🎯 Sutherland Shire · Est. 1981

Meet Lauren.

45 years young. Absolutely shredded. Surprisingly available.
Two kids included. Wild Turkey 101 non-negotiable.

📝 Apply Now Read the Fine Print
Lauren
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The Pitch

She Didn't Ask for This Website to Exist.
But Here We Are.

Lauren is a 45-year-old single mum from the Sutherland Shire who has dedicated her life to three things: her two kids, the gym, and Wild Turkey 101 — in that order, mostly. She's been described as "a lot" but in the best possible way. The kind of "a lot" that keeps life interesting and your arm day embarrassing by comparison.

She's not looking for Mr. Perfect. Just Mr. Can-Keep-Up. Shire-based strongly preferred. Must not be intimidated by a woman who has more muscle definition than your entire gym class combined.

⚠️ Disclaimer: Lauren has no idea how good she actually looks. This is both her greatest strength and your competitive advantage.
Official Specifications

Lauren v45.0 — Full Specs

🎂
Model Year
45 Years Old
Classic, not vintage. Runs better than most 30-year-olds.
📍
Location
Sutherland Shire
Not relocating. Will consider a gym date in Cronulla.
🧒👧
Included Extras
1 Son + 1 Daughter
Package deal. Non-negotiable. They're great, honestly.
🥃
Power Source
Wild Turkey 101
Not a preference. A lifestyle. Acceptable first date gift.
🏋️
Performance Mode
Gym. Every. Day.
Known issue: will casually out-lift you. Don't make it weird.
💅
Status
Gloriously Single
Her choice... mostly. Now accepting sensible applicants.
Evidence

Yes, She Really Looks Like This

No filters. No excuses. Just the Shire's finest in three very distinct moods.

Lauren — casual
Casual mode. Still equally dangerous.
Lauren — night out
Going out. Good luck keeping up on the dance floor.
Lauren — gym mode
This is what happens when you never skip leg day. Ever.
Minimum System Requirements

Think You've Got What It Takes?

Before you shoot your shot, review the specs. Lauren's had enough disappointing software updates masquerading as boyfriends.

📅
Age: 44–49 Two years younger or four years older. Old enough to know better, young enough to keep up at the gym. Anyone younger need not apply — she's had enough of that.
🗺️
Sutherland Shire (or close enough) If you need Google Maps to find Cronulla, this probably isn't going to work.
🏋️‍♂️
Must Like the Gym Or at least pretend convincingly for the first few months. She will find out either way, but effort counts.
💪
Must Bench More Than Her She's not asking for much. Just more than a shredded 45-year-old who trains every day. Good luck.
🥃
Wild Turkey 101 Compatible Minimum: don't complain when she orders it. Bonus points if you order a round unprompted.
😂
Must Have a Sense of Humour See: this entire website. If you've made it this far and you're still smiling, you're already ahead of the pack.
Boyfriend Application · Form 45-B

Ready to Embarrass Yourself?

Lauren's socials are classified. To unlock them you'll need to pass the screening below: three parts, eighteen questions, and she wrote the interview herself. Brutal honesty required — she'll find out anyway.

Part 1 of 3 · The Vitals
Part 1 — The Vitals
So the rejection letter feels personal.
Real age. Not Tinder age.
Your Height
Measured without shoes. Or hair gel.
We'll do the maths. You won't like it.
Lauren's number is classified. Hers is big.
Employment Status

By submitting you confirm every answer is true, you own at least one pair of non-gym shoes, and you understand Wild Turkey 101 is not up for debate.